Beautiful Black Sheep - Hold On. You will sit in that garden you are dreaming of.
Before we start, a note to myself as a kid…
You belong here - just as you are. The things they are saying to you are mean and terrible and I know it hurts so much. Let me be the voice in your heart to remind you right now that you will get through this. I am with you. God is with you. Love is with you and we’ve got you surrounded. What’s happening is not okay - and it’s not about you. They are lashing out because they are in pain themselves and they don’t know how to do better.
I know you see it. I know you feel it. This isn’t okay and I wish it was different too - but we’ve got you - you’ve got you (because I am you). Feel that calm peace in your heart? Stick with that. Feel that warmth in your body right now - that’s love - that’s God and it’s real and you will get through this. It’s okay to dissociate - dissociating is how you are CONNECTING with the truth of love and it will be how you get out. Rest there - it’s okay and it’s safe. When it’s time - you’ll process all the terror, confusion and sad feelings - right now - this is too much for a little child to process.
They call you the black sheep. They tell you you are worthless and stupid and use words you don’t even understand but you know they aren’t kind. They blame you for their anger and rage. He blames you for his hatred and disdain for you - but you are a beautiful little 5-year-old human and this is not your fault. Hold on…you are on the path out of here. You will get the help and support you need.
Beautiful black sheep, you will sit in that flower garden you are dreaming of - I promise. Hold on.
I love this quote by Bert Hellinger
"The So-called ‘Black Sheep’ of the family are, in fact, seekers of liberation roads for the family tree. Those members of the tree who do not adapt to the rules or traditions of the family system, those who were constantly seeking to revolutionize beliefs, going in contrast to roads marked by family traditions, those criticized, tried, and even rejected, those, by General, they are called to release the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations.
The ‘Black Sheep’, those who do not adapt, those who scream rebel, repair, detoxify and create a new and blooming branch… countless unfulfilled desires, unfulfilled dreams, and frustrated talents of our ancestors manifest themselves in their rebellion looking to take place.
The family tree, by inertia, will want to continue to maintain the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, which makes its task difficult and conflicting… that no one makes you doubt, take care of your ‘rarity’ as the most precious flower of Your Tree.
You are the dream of all your ancestors."
BERT HELLINGER
A few reflections from my experience as the black sheep on steroids...
Reflection 1
I don't need to be the dream of my ancestors to make the choices I did in my story - but if the wish or dream for any human is to feel free, loved, and safe - well - yes - I resonate most with the words "liberation from inertia".
Reflection 2
I also believe there is no "most precious flower" each of us belongs and each is an expression of our connection and oneness with each other - and sometimes love is most experienced in accepting who someone is - and choosing to LOVE ourselves (and thereby loving and accepting them as they are) by choosing to let the dream of what we hoped we had with them go.)
Through these choices and trusting ourselves and what our heart, soul, and body are asking for - we are experiencing LOVE in a beautiful divine way - and each of us has access to that LOVE always.
Reflection 3
When the black sheep leaves - it's not taking LOVE away from anyone because love is here for all of us all the time - and we are love. Sometimes leaving means more space for healing, peace, creativity and therefore even more love. I will always move into more love. We are here to be in our fullest expression - leaving my family of origin behind was the most painful and one of the best decisions I’ve made.